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I went in on Friday and had a balloon procedure done. Since then, I have been able to eat 1300+ calories a day without vomiting. I am so very thankful that I was able to get this done and taken care of. My mental health outlook is so much better than it was a few weeks ago. I have energy (Which is amazing seeing a WW woke up at 2:45 this morning.)

In a nutshell, I feel like a human being again. I need to take a few meds for the next few weeks to help heal my stomach, as well as something to help with potential acid reflux.


The Fix Is (Almost) In

Tomorrow I go in to have a balloon dilatation done. Hopefully this fixes the issues I have going on because I’m sick of running to the darn bathroom to puke. (Or in some cases, on the side of the road.)

I got a bonus from work today, which was awesome because I wasn’t expecting it and I put it right into my savings account. I’m such an adult!

*suddenly remembers all the bills that need to be paid*

Tomorrow is WW’s third birthday. I’m so excited to see what the next year comes for him, as we work on his speech progress and his personality grows. There will be an abundance of WW pictures tomorrow.

The Problem With Progress

Today is EC’s first day of kindergarten! She did so great. She was so excited to start we sat outside for an hour waiting for the bus. (Part of that was that I’d read the bus schedule wrong, but shhhh)

A lot of my friends were having a hard time with their youngins going to school. For me, this is the part I’ve been waiting for. I loved school. I loved getting away from my mom and talking to other people and learning things. EC is the same way. She hopped right on that bus without even looking back.

EC and I also took a picture and I’m embarrassed to say my first thought was “JFC! Look at how much my arms look here!” Looking at the picture, even after I told myself to shut up, hurts. It took about 20 years to get this fat. Did I really think I would be done 7 weeks later?

But that’s the problem with progress. It’s never fast enough for the impatient and it’s too fast for the prudent.

WW, Evil Genius

We had the missionaries over on Wednesday. The kids were fighting over a new Etch-a-sketch that WW got for completing EI. I put it on top of the fridge because I was sick of them fighting. EC went to find something new, I started to talk to the missionaries, and Wes stayed in the kitchen.

I hear him making noise in there but, hey, there wasn’t really anything he could destroy. (P.S. this is how every horrible WW story starts.) Until there was this HUGE bang. I freeze in fear of whatever he just destroyed. He walks into the living room holding the Etch-a-sketch.

WW had taken tupperware from the dish washer and was throwing it up at the Etch-a-sketch until it fell and he could have it.

I let him keep it because, dang it, he won. And this is why I’m gray and crying all the time.


In the last two years, I have read 147 books that I’ve kept track of on Good Reads. (This does not include the straight up erotica I’ve read. I’ve got family on my Good Reads page. They don’t need to know that about me.)

This averages out to about one book every five days. Now, it doesn’t actually take me five days to read a book. I usually can finish a 300 page book in about four hours, less if small people don’t ask me for juice and diaper changes.

I’ve always been a long and voracious reader. In kindergarten, I was one of the first kids who could read. This was a big deal is 1990s kindergarten. Once I could read on my own, that’s all I wanted to do. I would make up reading challenges that my teacher gave, so I could stay inside and read books. I read my first chapter book when I was in first grade. It was one of the Bailey School books and I was hooked, on both reading and supernatural things.

School noticed too. I was put in a grade up reading level. Every day I was brought to a classroom where kids were all older than me and they were the best readers in their grade. I was the only kid who could do this at first, but as time went on a few more kids were brought along with me. Until 5th grade. Then they told me I had to stay in the revamped 5th grade class because they couldn’t send me to 6th grade since I would run out of material for my actual 6th grade course.

In seventh grade, I discovered my true love: Romance. Now, I’d seen the books around my house. They all looked kinda like this but sometimes a little sexier:

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P.S. I 100% read this book at some point in time. I wanna say the MC’s name is Cori. (OMGEE. I JUST CHECKED AND HER NAME IS CORI!)

I didn’t think they were for me to read since obvs boom boom was happening. But while at my nana’s house. She tossed me a book. She told me to read it and quit buggin’ her. I wish I could remember the name, author, character names, anything about this book. I remember it was about a woman who had amnesia after being hit in the head. She found out she was in custody of her dead friend’s son after she was murdered. The doctor who helped her in the hospital followed her after she was attacked. Turns out the baby’s father was the killer but Amensia and Dr Hotty got together in the end.

Since then I’ve read thousands of romance novels. They are pretty much all I read. I love my guarantee of a happy ending. (I do not read John Greene or Nicholas Sparks) I love the love and the romance. I love the occasional intrigue or supernatural aspects. (Just say no to vampires though.)

Weekend Wrap Up

We had a seriously awesome weekend.

We went to the beach on Saturday with several friends. We were there for hours. Our family is so lucky to be near beaches and oceans and have the time and desire to spend on the water. One day we hope to move to Maine, and have this life constantly, but for now, we spend the time we can there.


Church on Sunday was perfect too. WW actually stayed in the pew almost the entire time, except for that quick interlude where he ran up to the microphone and tried to interrupt some people. We were then able to go to a new church initiative where they have weekly meetings to help you meet goals. SM is taking the “Grow Your Small Business” class and I am taking the “Personal Finances” class. We will never move to the beach if I don’t stop spending all my damn money on Amazon.

The Never Ending Saga

I have been calling doctors since Monday, trying to get this procedure taken care of. My surgeon’s office told me there is only one doctor (Dr T) in Massachusetts who does what I need to be done and he doesn’t accept my insurance. They were trying to get me in sooner with the other doc I called but they don’t think he even does what I need to be done.

They called me today to tell me that Dr T is literally the only doctor in the US who can do this procedure. They suggested I change my insurance. Because, you know, just changing insurances whenever you want is a thing. (Hint: It’s not) Then they said to wait until open enrollment. WHICH IS IN DECEMBER. I asked them if they just wanted me to starve to death or what? They then suggested I call Dr T and see if I can’t get them to take my insurance (That’s not a thing either) or pay out of pocket, which would be tens of thousands of dollars. It’s a Boston hospital. It’s a highly specialized procedure (a-freaking-parrently). I would need to negotiate with no less than 4 different people in an attempt to make this even slightly reasonable. I angrily hung up with them.

So, here’s the deal. I used to be a super aggressive person. I would get into fist fights with boys in school. I would scream at people. I still am internally aggressive but I know now that it’s anxiety, usually over not being able to control a situation. (I’m also a pretty big control freak. Issues table for one)

Today, my anxiety got the better of me. I called Dr T back, yelled at some receptionist until she put me into a voicemail for their billing department. I called patient advocacy at the hospital where my procedure was done. (I sobbed through my story with this one.) I called my best friend Brooke who is our church welfare leader and she started putting out feelers for me to see if there was anyone in the ward that could help. I yelled at God. I told him that it was bullshit that I’d followed my promptings and this is were I ended up.

About twenty minutes after talking to the patient advocate, Dr L’s office called me. Dr L is able to fix my issue, but he doesn’t advertise that he can. He’s sOoOoOo concerned about this so he’s going to schedule me to fix this. I’ll be getting a call today. I’m not sure if it was patient advocacy, or sassing God, but this is getting fixed tout de freaking suite.

The Trials Continue

I have been dealing with bull ever since my last post. I’m getting in between 400-600 calories a day on this liquid diet. I’ve tried some solids. Some have stayed down and some have not. I’ve tried those same solids again and they come up. There is no rhyme or reason to what I’m dealing with.

The doctor my office wanted me to see wasn’t booking until December. I legit laughed in that woman’s face (over the phone). I called my office and they said “Well you can call your insurance and tehy can give you some people to call or we can wait UNTIL THURSDAY for Dr L to tell you who to go to.” I called my insurance and got numbers. I call the person in the hospital where I had the damn surgery and she’s like “I cannnot book you an appt until you fill out new patient paperwork and Dr S looks it over.” They sent me the wrong goddamned paperwork and were closed for lunch. I finally got the right paperwork and faxed it back ASAP.

I called this morning. I was basically told since I don’t have rectal bleeding and I’m just on a liquid diet, I’m not considered emergent and the doctor will get to signing my papers when he gets to it, which could be tomorrow or Thursday. I tried to calmly explain that I do consider myself to be emergent since I’m barely eating and I’m getting sick when I do eat. She said she’d call my office to attempt to get some more paperwork and maybe get me in sooner.

I feel weak and tired all the time. I’m forcing myself to choke down these godawful protien shakes 2-3 times a day. I don’t have energy to get the things done around the house that need to be done. I’m cranky and hungry and my mental state is not great.

I need Doc Brown to come streaking into my office. “Great Scott, Shawna! I’ve been to the future. Just don’t do this damn surgery!”

Not The Hourglass I Was Hoping For

I don’t want my story to make others feel like they shouldn’t do a WLS but I also feel like I need to be authentic in how things have been going.

Which is horribly.

Ever since I’ve been cleared for stage three foods (soft well cooked foods, no raw veggies or steak, rude.) I’ve been throwing up every single day. Sometimes, a few times a day. It’s always after eating and it’s usually in the evening. Sometimes, it’s just a little. Sometimes, I would scare the shit out of Linda Blair.

I called my nutritionist asking what I was doing wrong. She advised me that there was no way I should still be vomiting every day, if I was doing the right things. The right things being: chewing very well, small bites, sticking to my diet. (Full disclosure, I have eaten some carbs when I wasn’t supposed to. Not a lot, but some. This is the hardest part and I’m only human) I told her such and she wanted me to come in to see the doctor.

To the doctor I went, who ordered testing. I had to go to the hospital the next morning for another upper GI. You stand in front of an x-ray machine, drink some chalk water, and they take pictures of your stomach. The radiologist said “Everything looks fine.” I was so frustrated. If everything is fine, why can’t I eat?

I get to my doctor’s office and LeBron (the coolest PA) says “No everything is not fine. You have a narrowing of your sleeve. Part of it is significantly smaller than it should be. I need to confer with Dr L, but we need to fix this.” My stomach has taken on an hourglass shape. The food is getting stuck and it can only slowly digest. So while that’s happening, I’m still hungry, because only half my stomach is full. The food gets stuck in my diaphragm area and the only relief is vomiting. It explains why I’m good with liquids, but actual food is the problem.

Dr L comes in and confirms with LeBron. Since I’m vomiting so much and my protein intake isn’t even half of what they want, this is is important.  What needs to be done: I have to go to Boston one day, be put under and have a balloon put into my stomach to open it up. I was assured this is not a chronic problem and once they fix it, I will be good.

Now to wait on insurance authorization.

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Weekend Wrap Up

We had a pretty good weekend here.

Saturday, EC woke up at6:30 am, took a shower, made some cereal, bought Moana on Amazon (Which I need to call and have them credit). I was so surprised. She’s such a big girl. I cannot wait until we get to that age with WW too. We played around the house, cleaned up and found things to drop at the donation center. We had a baby sitter come in for a few hours and SM and I drove around in the rain and talked. After the baby sitter left, SM took the kids to the McDonald’s Play Place until dinner.  I still cannot go in there because OMG FRENCH FRIESSSSSSSS. We rented The Lorax and the kids fell right to sleep.

After they were asleep, SM and I watched 50 Shades of Black, a Wayans Brother parody of 50 Shades of Grey. Two things. One, I hate 50 Shades of Grey for so many reasons. Two, the art of the parody is now held only by the Wayans Brothers. They kill it every single time. I was about to pee my pants a few times.

Sunday was so busy and so much fun. I’d won tickets to see The All American Rejects in a Mix Lounge on the radio. I was about three feet away from where Tyson would stand. I have very fond memories of him from being 15. He is still so beautiful and tall. I wasn’t a fan of his outfit. he had a grey wife beater tucked into a pair of pants that had two sets of belt loops??? He just looked very strange. They played 4 songs and talked in between. I got a picture with them but it’s not up on the website yet.

SM and I then decided to eat lunch in Boston. Or was it brunch? We’re really not cool enough to know. We had breakfast burritoes of which he could only eat half and I could barely have 5 bites.


It was then my friend’s son’s baptism. (Mormons baptize at 8) It was a great service with a wonderfully after party. The kids were exhausted by the end of the day. Heck even I was asleep by 10.

We had a lot of fun and made many memories.