It would be wrong of me to pretend like this recovery time has been peaches and cream, happiness and sunshine. Here’s what my recovery has been.
I was cleared to eat pureed foods on Monday. I was very excited. I went to Panera, ordered a quart of cheddar broccoli soup and ate 2/3 a cup. What happened next can only be described by this gif.
Next, I had to go to Urgent Care because I was dehydrated. I would get dizzy when I stood up, my mouth was made of cotton, my head was pounding. When I got to UC, my heart was racing at a resting rate of almost 100bpm. Without having any labs for where certain things were, they decided to give me only half a bag of saline. I felt better for a while, but then I took EC back to school shopping (Crayons are .50 at Target, y’all) and I almost fainted in the store.
By the end of last night, I managed to drink about 18oz of water, which is less than half of the minimum they want me to get in every day. The problem I have with drinking is not that I get full or anything. It’s my diaphragm. They repaired a hernia I had while they were in there. It’s so tight that every time I drink, it feels like I’ve just guzzled root beer and there’s carbon build up that needs to be burped out. This happens when I sip even half an ounce. It’s been really hard.
I’ve been suffering from some serious buyer’s remorse. Why did I do this? I love bread and soda. Those two things are near permanently gone from my life now. Guzzling a drink feels so good. Will I ever be able to do that again? What about Thanksgiving? WHY DIDN’T I THINK ABOUT THANKSGIVING???? I know that I’m not physically hungry, but damn if I’m not mentally starving. It’s weird not having to worry about food. It’s been such a constant and now it doesn’t matter. I’m the mean boy in college who just stopped talking to me after 6 months, after saying “I’ll call you later.” (He never did.)
I know that once these mental hurdles are leaped, my remorse will go away. Change is never easy or people would do it all the time. This was worth it, I just don’t feel it yet.